Well, I did it. I thought about it and thought about it, tried to make myself look forward to returning to work, but couldn't. The lab where I was working is full of wonderful, caring people who looked forward to my return and to my contributions. Wow, that made the decision even harder. In a way, they are my friends and I don't like to let friends down. But, I do have a habit of making decisions based on what's better for those around me, and then I figure out how to be happy with that decision. Well, this time I put myself first and decided not to return until I feel I can be dedicated to it. It's only fair, to me and to them. I will continue to earn my CEUs and keep my license up-to-date so that when I'm ready to return I will be prepared.
I am so lucky to have a wonderful husband who supports this decision. He knows it is likely not permanent, though there are no guarantees. In life, there are no guarantees. Except for death. And I think that's why he is allowing me this selfish time. Because I was unknowingly walking along death's path before I realized it. Now he is allowing me to walk along life's path and to spend my time being a bit selfish.
I plan to include him in my selfishness, though. Hopefully I'll be doing things that make him happy too.
