Christmas Letter 2009 (penned by David)

Greetings –

Well, this year started off rather inauspiciously when we discovered just before last Christmas that Laurie’s colon cancer had returned as a metastasis on the left lobe of her liver (the small part often used for donation). We knew one of our first challenges of the year would be surgery. The surgery was done at Stanford by one of the world’s leading liver cancer surgeons. They also took her gall bladder out when they saw a second small lesion above it. After several months of recovery and another 6 months of chemo there has been no recurrence. Laurie continues to alternate between PET and MRI scans every two months. They’re continuing to look clean and we look forward to less frequent and equally clear scans as the years roll by.

Laurie also had the first of 2 bunionectomies done in November. The surgery corrects bone growth in the foot so that the bones are now straight and that will remove a lot of pain that she’s been having. There has to be 3 months between surgeries, so Laurie will have her other foot done in late February.

David’s continuing to work at Cisco. The work isn’t quite the same as he originally signed up for, but it is gainful employment and he feels there’s value in what he’s doing. Most importantly, the job and pay are solid along with great benefits. Now if only they’d stop forcing vacation times on him so that there could be some planned time for him to do stuff with Laurie.

We wouldn’t consider our life normal if it didn’t include a little chaos. Laurie finished her last chemo in August and was looking forward to a little relaxation time before considering a possible return to work. With the previous 19 months of her life pretty chaotic and lost with surgeries, chemo and recovery, it was decided that it was time for Laurie to slow down, relax and start to enjoy life for a while. Well, that was the idea at least. Then Laurie made the mistake of mentioning to Theo’s breeder that he seemed bored at times. Well, 3 weeks later Francee contacted Laurie and said she had a long coated female that was 9 weeks old.

The timing was right for everyone, but we also knew this would pretty much trash any chance of the next 10-12 weeks being quiet and relaxing. Less than 3 weeks later we met Francee and Hollie in Petaluma and returned with the most loving 12 week old ball of fur you’ll ever meet. Cassiopeia (aka Cassie) is gorgeous, loving, affectionate and full of life. Theo hoped she’d leave for the first couple days, then put her in her place for a few days. Now he just lets her do whatever she wants. She is constantly goading him into play and has brought the puppy out of him again.

The conclusion is all is right in our life again. Laurie may decide to return to work in the future, but for now she’s just keeping her license up to date so the options are open. Theo and Cassie are definitely our kids. We are very happy that Laurie is healthy and in the clear.

We wish you all a Happy New Year and Joyous Holiday Season.

Laurie, David, Theo, and Cassie

Poor Cassie :-(

Well, it was time. Cassie had to go in to the vet to get spayed. I know that some people think a dog needs to go through one heat but for her future we decided it was best not to allow that. For one thing, she isn't allowed to go to daycare after 6 months of age unless she is spayed. And she could have her first heat from 6-8 months old. We feel the socialization she gets from being around other dogs at daycare is very important and we don't want to deny her that socialization for 1-2 months just to have a heat cycle. Plus we don't want to deal with her having a cycle in the house or for Theo (who is altered but can still respond to hormones) to get weird. So, we took advantage of this Thanksgiving break in her training classes, and of the extended time that Dave's at home for the holiday, to go ahead and get her fixed.

She is a little confused, a little wimpery. I don't blame her. Yesterday she woke up, happy as ever, bouncing around, playing, wanting breakfast (which she could not have) and then we took her to the vet. The doctor said that when he was doing an exam on her she was giving him kisses. Then she was sedated and spayed and later Dave and I picked her up. I wonder what's been going through her head. She woke up, different somehow, and now she has to wear a cone on her head. She's not allowed to run, play, or jump for 7-10 days and so she goes outside on a leash. Gone are the free romps in the back yard. For all she knows, it's forever. But it's only for a few days. In a week or two she will be back to her old self, with free roam of the house and back yard and she and Theo can play again. I know that Dave and I can't wait for that to happen.

Here's a picture of her from today:

Did I Tell You I Had Foot Surgery?

It's not sexy... and it is painful. The bunion. Due to unlucky developmental abnormalities, my feet have always hurt when I wear anything other than tennis shoes. Well, I could wear flip-flops too, but those only get a person so far! Finally a couple of months ago my right foot was hurting after wearing flip-flops all day, prepping for some dinner party or another. So, I scheduled a visit with a foot doctor. He took some x-rays of my feet and declared them to have moderate bunions (coupled with some arthritis) which he could correct with surgery. I've heard of people regretting having had the surgery, and I've heard of people wishing they had done it sooner. I hope I'm one of those people.

So, two weeks ago my right foot was operated on and I have to say, I'm amazed at the "after" x-ray. The foot is still tender and swollen and I have to wear the big black surgical shoe for another week and a half, and then tennis shows only after that for 3 weeks or so. I will go easy on my foot, but when it's ready I can't wait to put on a nice pair of dress shoes and see how it feels!

So far the recovery isn't bad. Not much pain, unless I'm up on my feet too much. I've been keeping it elevated and iced a lot, watching TV, reading, knitting.

In about 3 months I'll do the other foot and go through this whole thing again.

Modern Courtesy

I'd like to bring attention to the decline of modern courtesy, specifically as it relates to invitations. I was taught that if someone invites you to something then you should respond with an acceptance or a declination. Ignoring the invitation is not an option. If I have decided that I'd like to spend time with someone and don't get any response at all, I don't take it as a "no". Instead, I feel snubbed. And after a couple of these I'll stop asking.

If I ask you if you'd like to do something or if you are available, it's OK to not be available. But I would appreciate it if you'd let me know so that I can either ask someone else or make other adjustments without the fear of a last-minute change. It's not polite to put people on hold in case some better offer comes along.

I find this is a very Californian thing, I think. At least I never experienced this in Texas. Does this happen everywhere else?

My Babies

I am so happy with my babies! Theo is a 4 year old very good-natured male Akita. Cassie is our new 4 1/2 month old female puppy Akita. Theo is a wonderful adult, very patient and playful with the very energetic Cassie. Cassie is by far the happiest puppy I've every seen. She smiles all the time and is absolutely joyful. She's not fussy - if she's confined she settles down and does not complain. If she's chewing on something she's not supposed to chew on she will accept a substitute if given one. The two dogs are so wonderful to have around, and it's wonderful that they have each other. I had no idea there was so much playfulness left in Theo but Cassie really brings out the puppy in him.

Right now they are tumbling around, chewing on each other. Both are so happy.

MRI Results Are In

I had an MRI scan last week and got the results today. Here are some snippets from the report:

Findings: Again are noted post-operative changes consistent with left hepatic lobe resection. No new liver lesions are identified. On post-contrast sequences, there is no abnormal enhancing liver lesion. No evidence for restricted diffusion on the DWI sequences. The main and right portal veins demonstrate normal enhancement without evidence for thrombus.

Other visceral organs including the spleen, kidneys, pancreas, and adrenal glands are within normal limits. No ascites is identified. No evidence for retroperitoneal mass or lymphadenopathy.

Impression: No evidence for residual or recurrent mass.

MY Impressions: I like the recurrent use of "no...", "normal...", "no abnormal...".
:-)

My Decision to Leave the Workforce

Well, I did it. I thought about it and thought about it, tried to make myself look forward to returning to work, but couldn't. The lab where I was working is full of wonderful, caring people who looked forward to my return and to my contributions. Wow, that made the decision even harder. In a way, they are my friends and I don't like to let friends down. But, I do have a habit of making decisions based on what's better for those around me, and then I figure out how to be happy with that decision. Well, this time I put myself first and decided not to return until I feel I can be dedicated to it. It's only fair, to me and to them. I will continue to earn my CEUs and keep my license up-to-date so that when I'm ready to return I will be prepared.

I am so lucky to have a wonderful husband who supports this decision. He knows it is likely not permanent, though there are no guarantees. In life, there are no guarantees. Except for death. And I think that's why he is allowing me this selfish time. Because I was unknowingly walking along death's path before I realized it. Now he is allowing me to walk along life's path and to spend my time being a bit selfish.

I plan to include him in my selfishness, though. Hopefully I'll be doing things that make him happy too.

Fall Garden is Planted

Well, I finally got some veggies in for the Fall! I planted seedlings this time around to give them a bit of a head start. Here's what's in the ground now:

• 6 Brussels Sprouts
• 2 kinds of lettuce
• 1 cabbage plant
• Spinach
• Sugar snap peas

Still in the ground from before:

• Tomatoes (these will probably be done soon)
• 2 Jalapeno pepper plants
• 1 Fresno pepper plant
• 1 Leek
• 5 Asparagus crowns
• The herb box (containing parsley, tarragon, rosemary, thyme, oregano, and sage)

I still have to plant the garlic. I have 3 varieties to go in the ground and will try to get this done later this week.

My New Garden Pet

I found a pet in the backyard today:

These guys are friendly and are bug-eating machines. I'm happy to see him there. I hope the dogs don't get him.

Race Relations

The other day I was driving and saw a sign at a school that read something like "Latino Night Dinner tonight". And I was thinking that if we are supposed to be color blind, then why are we making that kind of distinction? Can you imagine the uproar if the sign read: "White Caucasian Dinner tonight"?

Just food for thought...

Colonoscopy

Today I had my second colonoscopy, the first one since my initial one February 13, 2008 when the tumor was found. Everything looks normal, he found no new tumors, polyps, nothing. This is great news. Usually when tumors return they usually do so in the first year, and almost always within the first 2 years. In February it will be 2 years from my initial diagnosis and surgery so if nothing shows back up by that time then I'm looking pretty good. I don't know if the tumors showing up in my liver reset that clock, but I don't think so. I think perhaps each organ gets its own clock, so to speak. My liver still has a little more than a year to go.

The true milestone will be 5 years. If no cancer appears for 5 years then I'll be considered cured. I guess until then I'm officially in remission.

I am scheduled for another MRI October 28th.

My Busy Last Few Weeks

Wow, I'm sorry that I've been away for so long! It's been very, very busy around here. Cassie has been a source of joy but she does take time to raise properly. We are taking her to 2 (yes, 2) Puppy I classes each week. And because she and Theo play together so much, they both have to be bathed quite frequently. Well, not Theo so much but puppies really know how to get dirty fast.

Also, at the end of last month, Dave and I went to Boston for 4 nights. It was a trip taken to combine visiting with some old friends of mine along with visiting Boston. Dave had never been there and while I have, it was really nice to take some time and explore the city. We were accompanied by Joanne, Tim, and Brian for much of the trip.

Another thing that's been taking my time is the garden, of course. We have some spots prepped for planting Brussels sprouts, cabbage, spinach, kale, peas, and garlic. I need to get these in the ground by this weekend, preferably.

The one thing that might interfere with that is this NASTY cold that I caught a couple of days ago. It's kicking my butt, but I'll hang in there. It'll be over when it's over.

That said, I'm going to go rest up some. I should be harvesting basil for pesto. Perhaps I'll feel like doing that later. For now I'm going to chill out for a while. Get it? Chill out? I have a cold!

Cassie

In yesterday's post I was so excited to write about our new little girl that I forgot to mention her name. It's Cassiopeia, and we call her "Cassie" for short. In Greek mythology, Cassiopeia was a vain queen who boasted about her unrivaled beauty. We feel that our little Cassie is so gorgeous that if she could speak she would be bragging about it too. But she doesn't brag and she's so loving and sweet. To see her (and get puppy kisses from her) is to love her.

She and Theo are getting along great. The first couple of days Theo wanted to make sure that she knew he was the boss. He was ignoring her (while keeping an eye on her) and wouldn't let her near the toys. And one time she tried to take a treat ball from him and he gave a very strong correction that ended by him doing an "Alpha Rollover" on her, where he rolled her over and held her down with his foot. She got the message, and after that he was satisfied that she knew that he was the boss. If she breaks any more of his rules he will let her know. Now they are playing and offers her toys. They do enjoy each other's company. Sometimes you can see that he is tired of her trying to play all the time so we let him go have some alone time for a while. And Cassie is so easy going that she will play by herself or settle down for a nap.

The first couple of nights we tried to bring her up to our bedroom to sleep in a crate, but she was so restless and fussy. I was thinking she was probably too hot so I took her downstairs to sleep in her pen in the kitchen where it was cooler. She settled right down and slept the rest of the night. She's been sleeping there ever since and goes right into her pen with no fuss. She is so happy to see one of us the next morning and is ready for full-on play and kissing action. But, she has to go pee first!

She's so sweet and smart. I can't wait to see how she is as an adult. Theo is sweet too and has a wonderful temperament, but he is not affectionate. Even as a puppy he didn't want to be held and cuddled. Cassie seems to enjoy this a lot. If I hold her in my arms she quits squirming and rests there, enjoying being close to me. Then she will look up at me and kiss my chin. And I smile really big!

Our New Little Girl

Well, it's been a month since my last chemo treatment. And what a busy month it's been! We've had people here doing work on the house, various things like making the A/C work better, installing cabinetry in the office, installing attic fans, and various other small projects. Finally there aren't people here disturbing my serenity. Oh, except what serenity? We got a puppy a little over a week ago! She's super cute and sweet. Here's a picture of her:

I told you she was cute!!!

So, that's what I've been up to lately. I've been playing with a puppy! I will admit that after we got her we had an "oh, shiesta" moment where we wondered if we were nuts. I mean, after a year and a half of chemo, just when I could relax and have time to myself, we get a puppy. What were we thinking? Anyway, she's here to stay and will be a lovely adult Akita when she's older.

I haven't done much in the garden lately. I need to go out there and clear the spent plants and prepare the ground for a small fall garden. Maybe next week?

So, I had a PET scan last week and went for the results today. It is clear. So, between the MRI and the PET scan it looks like I can relax for a couple of months. I will have another MRI at the end of October.

Time to go get some more puppy kisses...

Our Pondless Waterfall

A couple of weeks ago we decided to hire a professional pondless waterfall company to come and rebuild our original waterfall. We were just never delighted with the waterfall built by our landscaper. I exhausted myself by planting all of the plants around it but think it turned out nice.

Here's a photo of how it looked before:

These photos show how it looks today:

MRI Result

Last week I had an MRI of the abdomen and got the result today. So far, so good! Here are the findings: "Artifacts along the anterior left hepatic lobe may represent surgical clips. The liver is otherwise homogeneous. The gallbladder is not identified suggesting contraction or resection. [Note: My gallbladder was removed last January during my liver resection.] The pancreas, spleen, adrenal glands and kidneys are normal. No osseous metastasis or lymphadenopathy detected."

Conclusion: Status partial left hepatic lobe resection. No metastasis.

What this means is: There is no detectable cancer in my body at this time!!

Next week I have a PET scan. That will be better at detecting lymphatic involvement and will look for suspicious increased localized metabolic activity which could indicate tumor growth. I'll get that result next Friday, September 11th. Check here for updates.

My Crazy Week

My goodness, now I have a bit of time to sit still and breathe. So… here’s what I’ve been doing.

Last week was my final chemotherapy treatment. I was fatigued as usual until the weekend. Last week we also had people here rebuilding our pondless waterfall in the back yard. We just were never happy with the first one and should have hired the right people in the first place. The new water feature has lots of planting areas on it so last Friday I went to Summer Winds Nursery and purchased a lot of plants to go around it.

So, the plants were planted on Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday. In conjunction with that (unrelated, however) Theo got sick on Sunday. From Sunday through Wednesday midnight, we took him to the vet 5 times in 4 days. Here’s a summary of all that:

• Last Sunday he was having bloody diarrhea, so we took him to his regular vet at Adobe. She determined he had “colitis” and sent him home with an antibiotic.
• On Monday he started vomiting and not eating, so we returned with him to Adobe in the evening, around dinnertime. While he was there he started to seem to feel better so we brought him home without any additional treatment.
• On Tuesday he seemed very uncomfortable all day, very restless. When we went to bed he would come sit by our bed, he wouldn’t lie down and go to sleep. He was very restless. Also, his lower abdomen felt firmer than usual so we got out of bed and took him to the emergency vet on Dell Ave to check for early bloat. The vet there took an x-ray and that showed some strange gravelly substance in his stomach plus lots of gas in his intestines. He gave him an injection of a Pepcid AC-like stuff and an injection of a pain medicine. Bad move. When he got home he was even more unsettled, was running from his bed to my side of the bed, over to Dave’s side, back to his bed, to his other bed, looking at us funny, looking for phantom ants on the floor, and started scratching himself like crazy. I called the vet and they said he may be “loopy” because of the narcotic pain medicine. He eventually settled down but kept scratching all night.
• On Wednesday morning we got up and found fur all over the place, upstairs and downstairs, plus he still seemed very uncomfortable. So, Dave took him back up to Adobe. They re-took x-rays. The gas was better but still there. The stuff in his stomach was still there. The vet told Dave that when dogs get uncomfortable pressure in their stomach and intestines they scratch their bellies. He gave him 2 liters of fluids and sent him home. All day Wednesday, though, he was very unsettled, was whimpering and whining, kept scratching himself non-stop. From time to time he would settle down (was probably too exhausted) but when we went to bed he was much worse. So, back up to Adobe at midnight on Wednesday. This vet actually looked at his skin and found it red and blotchy. (We kept assuming his discomfort was his stomach, but it was his skin.) It looks like he was having a severe allergic reaction to one of the injections, probably the narcotic. His breeder said narcotics give HER hives and hallucinations, and it sounds like this was what Theo was going through. Anyway, we told the vet that Theo was just up there that morning and the vet didn’t evaluate the itchiness at all, and if he had we would have been saved the midnight trip, plus Theo wouldn’t have had to suffer all day. She didn’t charge for the office visit Wednesday night, which was the right thing to do. She gave him a steroid injection and sent him home with Tamaril-P (antihistamine + steroid) to treat the allergic reaction for the next few days. When we got home he was no longer scratching and we all actually got some sleep.

So, this all started with a GI issue that was compounded with an allergic reaction. I felt so bad for him. Luckily he’s feeling better now but is exhausted. So am I! He needs to rest a few days.

We don’t know what started the GI thing, or what’s in his stomach. The bloody diarrhea could also have been caused by stress, perhaps, since contractors have been here the last 3 weeks working on the office and various other things. On top of it all he went on a group dog walk last Wednesday and could have picked up a bug from another dog. We will never know but the important thing is: he’s getting better. We hope it stays that way but we will be keeping a close eye on him for a few days.

Two days ago (Wednesday) I went to get an MRI. I will get the report on Monday when I go to see my oncologist. I’ll let you know how that goes. Plus, I have a PET scan in a couple of weeks.

Today I am finally going to pay some attention to the house. Maybe I can get the laundry done, sort through the various piles of papers hanging around the house, trim Theo’s toenails, etc. Luckily this weekend will be quiet so maybe I can get caught up on things. And if I don’t? Well, for the first time in a long time, there’s always next week!

I'm Still Here!

I know I need to post again - I think about this daily but have been WAY busy. I'll do it next week. Promise! You know why? Because I can! I don't have chemo next week!!!

Hanging In There - 1 More To Go

I am on the upswing of my 11th chemo round and have only 1 more to go. The oncologist increased the amount of 5-FU these past 2 times which has caused me to throw up, but only on day 1 (Monday). The rest of the week I've just been sleeping a lot. My energy is slowly returning. Luckily my appetite has come back mostly, enough to eat a 1/2 cheeseburger yesterday!

So, last week I went back to my hometown (Wichita Falls, Texas) for my 20-year high school reunion! David and I flew out on Thursday and while we were in the DFW area we met up with my sister Krystal, her mom Fredia (Krystal's really my 1/2 sister but she feels like a full sister to me!) and Krystal's little girl, my niece, Abbye. We had a wonderful Tex-Mex meal and sat around and chatted for a while. I was really impressed with Abbye's patience with all the grown-up talk.

After the dinner with Krystal, David and I drove on up to Wichita Falls and checked into our hotel. It was late so we just went to bed.

The following morning we went over to my mom's to say hello and to grab some towels and a couple of chairs. From there we made a stop at Wal-Mart (woo-hoo!) and then made it to the first social event of the weekend: Risa's party. Risa made it all the way to Texas from Tokyo for the reunion, and her mom offered to host a pre-reunion party for a few friends. Her mom made wonderful food for us and we all lounged around the pool and had a great time.

From there David and I went to the hotel to rest up and change for the first "official" reunion activity: A "Howdy BBQ by the Wichita River". The entertainment was good, the food was great, and I really enjoyed hanging out with old friends. Unfortunately my energy ran out and we left fairly early.

Saturday morning we all met at the "Old High" for a group photo and a chance to walk around the halls. (I still need to order the group photo!!) Then David and I met my mom and my high school best friend Lidia at Stanley's. At Stanley's I was totally in love with my Beanie Burger. That's a Wichita Falls (Stanley's only) local culinary delight that's a combination of hamburger and Frito chili pie. Let me build it for you here: Put the bottom bun on a plate. Spread it with refried beans. Add the meat patty. The the craziness starts: Pile on chopped onions (which I leave off), jalapeno peppers (which I leave on!), Fritos, chili, and cheese whiz. I'm not making this up - I even called them a few minutes ago and asked them. This is yummy! yummy! yummy!!! It has to be eaten with a fork. And the perfect accompaniment: fried okra. I was truly in love.

OK, after my Beanie Burger love fest it was time to go relax for a while. Saturday evening brought another reunion activity: A light dinner and music event in a meeting hall. The music was actually a bit loud in my opinion since it made it hard talk to and hear anyone. So there wasn't much catching up to do there.

Sunday morning David and I met with a very dear friend and mentor, Charles, and his wife Jonell. It was a very nice breakfast catching up with a forever friend. After that we moseyed back to the hotel to pack, then to Schlotzsky's for sandwiches (another favorite of mine!) to take to the lake to visit with the aunts and uncles. From there it was back to DFW to fly back home Sunday evening.

It was an action-packed 4 days and I am so glad I went back to catch up with so many people!

Leaving Home at 17

This story, 21 years old now, is one that wants to be told. It’s the story of leaving home after midnight, 5 days after my 17th birthday. Why then? Because in Texas a teenager can leave home at the age of 17 without being considered a runaway. Even then I made decisions based on what makes the resulting outcome the least complicated.

Here’s the story:

First of all, why did I leave home? Let’s just keep it simple for now: My childhood was very unfortunate. I was tired of living in daily fear of my stepmother and had to improve the situation that I had been living in for 6 years. I was just barely 17 and a junior in high school. A couple of months before, my father and stepmother moved us into another house. The significance of this is that the new home was in “Rider High School” district while my mother (into whose home I was moving) lived in “Wichita Falls High School” (or more commonly known as “Old High”) district. The counselor at Old High, Mr. Miller, was aware of my home situation and for the time that I was there did what he could to help. This mostly was to listen. Anyway, when I transferred to Rider High School I got to know my counselor there as well and she also came to know of my situation. It was actually a combined conversation between her and Mr. Miller at Old High that hatched our plan, which was for me to sneak away the weekend after I turned 17 and return to Old High the next Monday morning. Explaining this has nothing to do with the high schools, really, but to illuminate how 2 counselors at 2 high schools worked together to help me out of a very bad situation. Reading back on this I think it may be interpreted that I left home to return to the previous high school. That was just coincidental – I would have left home no matter what. But escaping to my mother’s house meant returning to the high school that actually happened to be in walking distance from her home. The two counselors worked together to transfer my enrollment. Also, they gave me moral support and the courage to implement the plan.

As it was, I had to wait until I was 17 to do this, and I didn’t want to delay any more than I had to. I spent Saturday sneaking into my bedroom and bit by bit I packed my clothing, shoes, and personal items into trash bags. I put the trash bags back into the drawers and into the closet, hidden behind other things. I didn’t have much but I took everything I could, including my pillow. I went to bed that night knowing that I would need to stay awake until after midnight when everyone was sure to be asleep. My father and stepmother were in their bedroom with the door closed. My brother and the two older stepbrothers were in the bedroom next to mine. My youngest stepbrother shared my bedroom. I got up very quietly, turned on the central heater fan to help cover sounds, went into the living room and called a taxi. My mother wanted to make sure she couldn’t be accused of kidnapping so the plan was for me to use a cab and arrive on my own. After I called the cab, I very quickly and quietly pulled out my trash bags of clothing, opened the window above my bed (the front door made a noise when it opened), removed the screen, and tossed everything outside. I then climbed out the window, closed it, and waited by the curb for the taxi with all my trash bags. I didn’t have to wait long. When the driver arrived he helped me load the bags into the car and the only comment he made was, “Strange time to be moving.” I agreed that it was and that’s all that was said. We arrived at my mother’s place and she came down and paid for the cab ride. I have to imagine that it set his mind at ease to see that I was being delivered to an adult. I actually don’t remember but I may have told him I was moving in with my mother.

I wonder if the two counselors were wondering if I’d have the courage to actually do this. They set it up to have me transferred to the other school... but it was up to me to pack up and leave. A number of things could have gone wrong, including me losing my nerve or getting caught. All they could do was wait to see where I showed up for school on Monday. How did they know for sure I'd show up at which school on Monday? Anything could have happened to foil the plan. I guess some things were handled by them and administrators and it was just up to me to do my part.

Of course, there are many more stories and maybe I’ll share some of them. They will decide when it’s time for them to be told as this one did.

Mouth Pain

I am prone to canker sores from time to time and I just deal with them and let them heal when they will - usually in about a week. Well, I developed what I thought was a canker sore behind the backmost molar on the right side, on the inside (tongue side) about 4 weeks ago. I thought it was starting to heal and then I had chemo on July 6th, which set it back. It got painful again but seemed to start to heal again before my last chemo session on July 20th. This week it got so painful that it was even hard to drink water because when you drink, the tongue actually puts pressure on the jaw at that very spot. So, though I had an appointment to see the dentist on Monday, I decided to make an "emergency call" and go see him today. I did feel silly taking his time on a Saturday to deal with what I thought was a canker sore (there's not much they can do about those) but I wanted to make sure there wasn't an infection developing.

I'm glad I went today to see him instead of waiting another couple of days.

At first he thought it was a canker sore too because it was white like a canker sore. Then he touched it with his little metal tool. Then he pressed and tapped on it. Then he announced that it was a little bone fragment sticking partly out, causing all that pain, like a splinter.

Why did I have a bone fragment sticking out of my gum line? It's a mystery. I suppose it could be a remnant from when my wisdom teeth were taken out when I was in high school. It would be unusual for a fragment to sit still for 20 years, though. He said usually they become a problem within a year or two. I am returning to the office on Monday so he can take X-rays to see what else is going on in there. According to him this is highly unusual and it would be good to see if there are any more fragments floating around.

Bummer I didn't think to get a photo of it before I left.

Garden Progression

I have uploaded some new pics of the garden progress, taken 7/23/09, along with notes in the captions. This link will take you directly to the album.

Enjoy the pics!

Mistake Made This Week

I was feeling so good last week after my ginger experiment that I forgot to take my anti-nausea drug, Emend, this time. I'm supposed to take the first pill 1 hour before chemo starts. I was halfway through the infusion before I remembered it. So, I asked Dave to bring it to me and I took it as soon as I could. Soon after, I went to the bathroom and while there did a "cough-burp" thing which brought up the pill. I saw it slither down the sink into the drain. Then, I was in full vomit mode, into the toilet.

Unfortunately, I was tossing up bile a few more times through the evening. It's not that I was nauseated. All of a sudden my stomach would start rolling and I'd better move fast. I couple of times I was carrying a trash can. Luckily.

Today I've felt week but no vomiting. I've tried to stay calm, still, and mostly sleep as much as I can. Another contributing factor is that my oncologist increased the 5-FU drug (the 46-hour take-home infusion) 10%. SO, the lack of the Emend coupled with more chemo was not a good combination.

Next time I'll remember the Emend. I only have 2 more of these to go.

Props To Canon

I've gotta give the Canon Camera corporation props. I had a Canon Power Shot S230, purchased probably 6 years ago. It started having problems with distortion on the LCD a year or so ago, which manifested on the final recorded image. The distortions got worse and worse until it got so annoying that I couldn't use the camera. Since Dave bought a new camera a year ago (which I'm not fond of) I was strongly discouraged from buying myself a new camera. I guess we already had a "family" camera. So, one way around this was to see about getting mine fixed. Granted, it was only 3.2 mega pixels, but it was good enough for me for so many years, so why not keep using it?

So, when I called Canon to see about repairing it, I was told that there was an "advisory" about a faulty chip that was a known issue with my camera model. This defective chip caused distortions such as the ones I was describing. I was advised to send it in and if it was determined to be the problem then they would fix it at no charge.

Well, it wasn't really as easy as that. They sent it back to me after replacing the "optical sensor" but the problem was still there.

Here are where the props come in: I called them again and after explaining that the problem had not been resolved they told me to send it back to them again. Since the camera is a few years old, however, they were not able to get the replacement chip anymore. So, their solution was to send me a replacement: A Power Shot SD790 IS. 10 mega pixels. Image stabilizers. Great camera!

Also, I now know that Canon has a loyalty upgrade program. If you call them and tell them what model you have, they will offer you a choice of several cameras to purchase at a discounted price.
After being treated so well, you bet I'll remain a loyal Canon customer!

A Few Garden Pics

Hi All!

I wanted to share a few pics of my garden.
These are my cherry tomatoes:
This is looking to be a very large tomato when it's done. The variety is "Copia":

Baby pumpkins are getting bigger!

Jalapeno peppers:

These heart-shaped tomatoes are "Cour di Bue":

What a beautiful rose! I don't know what kind this one is but I love it:

My giant sunflower. This one is probably 7-8 feet tall.

Its head seems too heavy for it. It has plenty of water.

As for me, I'm doing well this week. I finally got smart and decided to take ginger capsules before and during my chemo week this last time. And it really made a difference. No nausea at all, and I seemed to recover a couple of days sooner than usual.

PET Scan last week

A short note - last week I had a PET scan, and it was completely clear. In summary: "No abnormal metabolic activity… No demonstration metastasis." There is an MRI planned in 2 months. And every 2 months afterwards until who knows when?

By the way, the garden's doing fabulously. I'll take new pics soon. You should see the giant sunflower!

Garden - Photos Taken 6/30/09

I have uploaded some new pics of the garden progress, taken 6/30/09, along with notes in the captions. This link will take you directly to the album. My favorite pic is of the little baby pumpkin! Actually, here it is:

This week I'm doing pretty good. My stomach was upset until Tuesday. My sinuses were full of crud. That may be an allergy issue - maybe I'm more prone to developing allergic sensitivities while on chemo. Up to now, all my life I've escaped the allergy woes that I hear other people talking about.

There's really nothing new to report. I can keep repeating the other things I've said because this week was basically a repeat of two weeks ago. However, that would be boring. Mostly I just wanted to let everyone know that I'm alive and hanging in there. I know that prolonged silence can start a person to wonder.

Checking In

It's now Thursday, and I'm finally feeling fairly normal. Each session takes longer to recover from, it seems. I was functional by the weekend, but I was constantly tired. I did stuff, but I had to make myself keep moving. And mentally this is tough. When it's all done I want to take some time and just recover from the harshness of it all, and just chill for a while without the constant knowledge that in a few days I will be dragged down into a well. De-stress, if you will. I have been dealing with this since February of 2008 and I know I will some need decompression time. Luckily, I have pretty good support for that. And I don't think that's unreasonable. I think that most people need some recovery time after such a life-threatening and life-impacting thing such as what I have had to endure. Regarding work, I do intend to return to work. I just hope my co-workers don't take it personally if I don't rush back right away and take a little time to recover. The previous me always wanted to say and do the things that would please everyone else, sometimes to the detriment of what was best for me. But in this case I think that I should put myself first. It'll be better for everyone in the long run.

Garden Pics

I have uploaded some new pics of the garden progress, taken 6/15/09, along with notes in the captions. This link will take you directly to the album.

Summary For New Readers

I was thinking that as I direct new people to this blog I don't always tell them how this cancer stuff got started. So, here's a summary of how this all began:

It started out as colon cancer, discovered February 13, 2008. I had surgery to remove the tumor and underwent chemo from March - September. In December 2008 mets were found on my liver during a scan. I had surgery in January 2009 to remove them. I then started chemo again in February 2009. I hope to be finished at the end of August.

So, that's the "quick and dirty" to get everyone up to speed.

Round 7

OK, here I am in the middle of Round 7. I guess it's good to be more than halfway through this. It'll get easier to see the end though when I get closer to it.

Monday when I came home I just headed to bed as usual. Around 6:00 or so Dave offered me some Jell-O. My stomach felt unsettled but I said OK, I'd try it. Such a sweet husband. I was so tired that I didn't want to open my eyes and the chewing and the swallowing of the Jell-O was as much as I could manage. He spoon fed me the whole thing. What a wonderful guy. Later he brought me an Ensure. Between the Jell-O and the Ensure I was feeling better. Not good enough to get up, but good enough to go to sleep. I actually slept well that night. Actually I was able to go to sleep when I asked Dave to come up and lie down with me for a while. Just lying with my head on his chest, hearing him breathe and hearing his heart beat quietened things down inside my head and allowed me to sleep.

Tuesday morning I got up, drank a glass of freshly squeezed orange juice. And then a small glass of chocolate milk. Read the paper, then headed to bed, where I was for most of the day. David brought me another Jell-O and Ensure meal. Later I got up and went downstairs, drank some water, ate 1/2 of a tamale (which I helped make on Saturday!) and watched TV. When I went to bed I was able to sleep well again.

Today I woke up, drank the OJ that was waiting for me beside my bed. Then went downstairs for some chocolate milk. Read the paper, showered and then we went to have my pump removed. I came home, went to bed to watch some TV and took a nap (I also ate a vegetable tamale with some salsa and sour cream). Here I am now updating things and drinking another glass of milk.

Last time I started feeling a bit blue-sy, a little depressed. It's because out of each 2-week cycle I have more bad days than I have good days. The oncologist offered me some anti-depressant pills but for now I will decline them. I don't want to commit to taking chemicals for 6 months when I will be finished with this in 3. And I don't want to even out my mood, so that not only do I not feel "down" I also would not feel "up". I don't want to miss out on feeling happy. So, I'll just see how it goes and resist the drugs.

Everything that I am feeling is normal, I am told.

Trying To Rally

For some reason I just haven't recovered completely yet after that last round of chemo. Usually I start feeling like my old self by the following Tuesday. I was expecting it to be Wednesday this week since my chemo was delayed a day due to Memorial Day. But here it is, Thursday, and I still feel kind of sluggish. My appetite's not great, especially for breakfast. Sleep's hard to come by so I get up tired already. So, I wake up tired, my stomach fells unsettled, so it's hard to eat breakfast. Therefore my energy's low for the rest of the day. Then I just hope I sleep well the next night and wake up refreshed, like someone hit a "reset" button. But it hasn't happened yet this morning. Maybe tomorrow...

I still cannot neglect the things I have to do. Because even though I feel pretty beat up this week it's nothing compared to next week. So I know I won't get anything done next week. And I've put some things off for several weeks already and just need to get things done. Like today: I'm cleaning up the overgrown lamb's ear in the front. The dead brown leaves have to be removed from the bottom of each plant. If I had done this a few weeks ago it wouldn't have been such a big job. But they got so overgrown it's taking me a few hours just to do this one job. And if I don't do it now then it's just going to look worse and be a bigger job later on. So, I have to muster up the energy and get it done now to avoid a bigger, longer job later.

Also, something I had put off for several weeks finally got done this week. I dedicated 2 days to cleaning the windows in our house. I hosed down the 1st floor windows on the outside and cleaned the class and the window sills. The 2nd floor windows took a little more time since I couldn't reach them with the jet spray and the squeegee. So I opened them up (the open inwards like a door, luckily) and wiped down the sills and the window frames and then cleaned the glass with Windex. It was a lot of work but the windows look so much better.

Now I am working outside, cleaning up the lamb's ears. I have a couple of things I hope to get to in the garden . Which is coming along nicely, by the way! Tomorrow I will gear up for a dinner party we are having on Saturday. Some of our friends are coming over and we are going to try our hands at making tamales. Luckily someone's also making enchiladas, so we are guaranteed to have something to eat. ;-)

Resting

I am lying here on my sofa, posting from my phone for the first time. So it may be a short post! This week was rough. My chemo was Tuesday instead of Monday due to Memorial Day. So I went in on Tuesday, saw the doc. Then went into the infusion center. Not exactly my favorite place to be. I chose a seat and waited for the poisons. The nurse hooked up the Aloxi/Decadron combination (for nausea) and let it run in. Then she hooked up the CPT-11 and the leucovorin and let that stuff run. I was told that there wasn't enough Avastin on hand so they decided to give that to me on Thursday when I returned to get unhooked. So after my cocktail finished then she hooked up my 5-FU which infuses over 46 hours. I came home on Tuesday and felt just aweful. It's not that I was experiencing nausea or throwing up. The drugs take care of that. I just overall felt horrible, very fatigued. I really don't want to do this anymore, yet I have 6 more to go.

My appetite does funny things. Sometimes I feel like eating a salad. Sometimes it's a Taco Bell taco. Or tortilla chips and dour cream. Or spicy V8. Or regular V8. Or even Fritos and spicy bean dip. Mostly it's either really clean flavors or it's strong (sour cream) or salty (chips) flavors. Those break through the numbness of my tongue. The clean flavors don't confuse it.

Well that's what's on my mind right now. I just wanted to share that with you.

Garden Pics Updated 5/25/09

I have uploaded some new pics of the garden progress, taken 5/25/09, along with notes in the captions. This link will take you directly to the album.

How Chemo Affects My Energy

Well, for those of you who are wondering how I'm doing, let's just say that I'm very busy right now. When I have chemo (as a reminder it's every other week) I have absolutely no energy and I feel as if I will never have energy again. I don't want to do anything. I don't want to chat online. I especially don't want to talk to anyone in person or on the phone. Carrying on a conversation of any kind makes me so tired. Just putting together coherent sentences drains me. So, I hide under a rock. That's why those of you who tell me I look great or I am so strong only see that part of me. I don't really let anyone see the other part. Not because I want to spare you. Not at all. I want to spare myself the energy drain. I usually won't even answer the phone. Sometimes I can send out a couple of cell phone texts but that's usually the extent of my abilities.

So, this goes on for about a week. My chemotherapy sessions are usually always on Mondays and by the weekend I am feeling like perhaps I can got out for short excursions, but then return home to nap. Usually I don't feel like my normal self until the following Tuesday. Then I start running in circles, cramming everything into the few days that I have.

My next chemo is on Tuesday the 26th. I get an extra day this week because of Memorial Day. That's great, until I remember that I will get one less day the next cycle, assuming I return to Mondays. I like Mondays for my treatments because it's possible for me to be somewhat social by Saturday if I get enough rest.

I have 7 cycles remaining. Then the MD will order an MRI every 3 months to keep an eye on things. I really want this to be over.

I'll try to update this more often. I may start to repeat myself but I understand you would probably like an update anyway. I appreciate that you check in here to see how things are going.

Next blog post: Updated garden pics!

PET Scan Results

Just a quick note while I have some residual energy. Last Tuesday (May 5) I had a PET scan performed. This past Monday I got the result. No new tumors, lesions, or anything. Just some inflammation in my abdominal area from the surgery. So all is well. My oncologist did say that she would like for me to do 6 months (12 cycles) of chemo to help ensure nothing comes back. I've done 5. I guess I can do 7 more. Ugh! And I will have an MRI every 3 months as follow up.

On to brighter things: The garden. This weekend I will take new photos. We (David was a BIG help) planted the 5 tomato plants, 3 pie pumpkin plants, and the 2 squash plants that we started from seed. We also put down a lot of compost (mulch) to help keep the ground cool. So far it's looking great and I do expect to get some nice harvesting eventually. I still have to plant the okra (they are in a seed starter tray) and when I do they will do very well. I have learned that I like starting seeds. That way I transplant little guys that have a head start against the bugs and critters.

Garden Pics Updated

I have uploaded some new pics of the garden progress, along with notes in the captions. This link will take you directly to the album. I have added some detail in the captions so that you know what you are looking at!

New Mediport

OK, so now maybe I'll take a few minutes and get this blog up to speed. Last Sunday David and I returned from our vacation to the Caribbean. Soon I'll upload some photos from our trip. We left on Friday, April 3rd for San Juan, Puerto Rico. From there we journeyed to Bridgetown, Barbados aboard the Silver Cloud, part of the Silver Sea cruise line. When the cruise was over we spent two nights in Barbados and then two nights in South Beach, Miami. Sunday April 19th we finally returned home. After two weeks away, it was nice to be home!

Before our trip I had my 3rd chemo treatment and then had my PICC line removed. I couldn't very well go to the Caribbean with tubes hanging out of my arm! I also worked frantically in the garden, getting everything planted that needed to be planted as well as setting up the irrigation so that they would get watered automatically via a timer. All that work caused me to strain the newly healed muscles in my abdomen so I spent the cruise worried about the painful spots but after taking it easy since then I'm happy to report that the discomfort is gone. I still have some garden to set up but I will wrangle David into doing anything that requires any straining.

A couple of days ago I had another mediport put into my chest. This will be used for the remaining chemotherapy infusions instead of the PICC line. This time I consulted with a surgeon (who is known for installing pediatric ports in his patients) to ensure that I didn't get some huge device implanted like before. I am pleased to report that this one is so much less noticeable than the first one. So, I start chemo again next week with my brand new port. Yay? Don't know if I should rejoice or not.

OK, back to the trip: Usually David writes up a trip report, sprinkled with his brand of humor. Hopefully he will find time to write this one as well. If he does so I will post it here for all to see. David has found himself to be very busy since we returned because he got some surprising news the evening of our return: Most of the people in his work division had been laid off and those remaining have been "reorganized". Luckily he didn't get laid off but now he has a new boss and is trying to figure out what his new role is. This week has been interesting but eventually things will settle out. I'm just glad that he still has a job. Right now's not the time to be job-searching since so many people have been laid off in his industry lately.

Me? I am lucky that the health care field is growing. When I'm ready to go back to work (after chemo, I suppose) my job will still be waiting for me, I'm told. I do have a great boss and wonderful peers.

Back From Vacation

Just a short note to say that the lack of posts this time was for a good reason. I've been in the Caribbean! I'll post details soon.

It was dark when I got home so I wasn't able to get a good look at the garden but it looks like things are moving along out there. I gotta get more lights out there!

On Tuesday I get another mediport put in and chemo will resume next week. Just in case you were wondering.

Now I have to unpack.

Garden's Almost Finished!

I figured it was time to post again. Right now I'm feeling great. With this chemo cocktail I am tired longer than the last time and don't really start to feel completely normal until Tuesday of the week following chemo (when chemo's on Monday). Anyway, when I'm tired posting seems beyond me. It just takes way too much mental energy to put so many words together! This week, once my energy returned, I was working nonstop in the garden. I finished setting up the irrigation, added blackeye peas, some pepper plants, a couple of tomato plants, early corn, late corn, and sunflowers. I also planted marigolds and seeds of nasturtiums and borage. I read that these three flowers help keep bad insects away.

Here are a couple of pics of the garden today:All I have to do now is wait for the ground to warm up a little more and plant seeds for okra. Also, at the end of the month the asparagus crowns are expected at our local nursery. I will put 6 of them in. Plus I have seedlings growing for a couple of heirloom tomatoes, pie pumpkins, and yellow crookneck squash.

I can't wait for stuff to start growing and for my garden to turn green!

Chemo 2.3 Report

Well, last cycle (2.2) was very rough. I wasn't nauseated, per say, but I was throwing up. Plus I was so fatigued. Yet couldn't sleep. And since I was so lethargic it was hard to keep fluids going in. So I got dehydrated. Which made things worse.

This time around we changed things up a bit. I took a very powerful anti-nausea drug (Emend) before my chemo infusion. Plus they added Aloxi to my drip (another anti-nausea). Then the CPT-11 dripped in slowly along with the Leukovorin. After that was finished a new chemo drug was added: Avastin. Then when that was completed they hooked up the 5-FU which is the one I go home with for 46 hours. I will go have it removed this afternoon. Anyway, so I came home Monday and was very fatigued as usual. I went upstairs to rest and tried to watch TV, but could only do so through one eye. And even that eye was half open! I was drinking water as much as I could then I asked Dave to go get me a Jamba Juice. This really helped to give me some nutrition and fluids. I did drink most of it. At bedtime I took an Ativan which is supposed to help me sleep. My nose was running (and I suspected the drainage might be upsetting my stomach) so I took a Benadryl also. I slept so well! I woke up Tuesday morning feeling pretty good and even had enough energy to accompany David on some errands. Yesterday I drank two Jamba juices and today I will do more of the same. Also last night I took the Ativan and the Benadryl again and slept like a rock. This is really helping. Before all I could do is lie in bed and grunt answers at David and now I can actually get up and move about the house. I don't feel up to doing work in the garden but I'm happy with its progress so far.

So, hopefully we have found a winning combination and will stick with it as needed.

Chemo 2.2 Report

Well, I'm only on the 2nd day of this round so this may be a little preliminary. But I do have to say that the "good" anti-nausea drug Aloxi wasn't good enough, even when I added Zofran. Next time I'll do the Emend too. I don't know what the Aloxi costs but I do know how very expensive the other stuff is. Good thing I have great insurance!

Yesterday when I came home I was already getting so tired. Which was a bummer because I really wanted to work some more setting the garden up. Here's what it looks like right now:

The bamboo tee pee is the trellis for the peas. In the plot just to the right will be the long-term dedicated plot for asparagus. Along the fence to the right will be corn - 2 varieties. Up near the peas will be squash and tomatoes. The next plot "this way" will be carrots and salsify. The nearest one in the center will be garlic and blackeye peas. Over against the fence in the shade (which will probably cause these to fail unless the earth shifts soon) are beets, shallots, spinach, lettuce, and Swiss chard. There is space up near the garage where I will plant pie pumpkins. I will also plant some sunflowers along the edge by the corn and also throughout to give the garden a nice look. Right now I have to gt the irrigation laid out and plant the seeds, then cross my fingers!

This is just a nice shot of Theo hanging out beside our small pondless waterfall:

Chemo 2.1 Report

Sorry it's been a few days since I've updated. Last week was rough and I just didn't have the mental energy to put thoughts down. And now it's all fuzzy! Anyway, I had my chemo session 2.1 last week (1st cycle of the 2nd chemo regimen) on Monday. We had some disagreements with our oncologist about the anti-nausea pre-medication. Last time I started chemo they gave me Kytril which is effective for 12 hours. What good does that do a person who is having a 46-hour continuous infusion? Not much. Anyway, they claim that the insurance companies won't pay for the better drug: Aloxi. Aloxi is effective for 3 days at least. So, I had to take Kytril, get sick and supplement with Zofran before they would approve Aloxi. This time we had to repeat that process. And it's not like Zofran is cheap. The retail price of the 15 Zofran pills (and I think we have the generic even) was just under $600.00. It cost us a $5.00 copay. Anyway, I digress... with me getting the weaker premedication (Kytril) then having to supplement with Zofran , my stomach was kept on a teeter-totter. So, it was unsettled a lot which made me even more tired than I already was, plus I just didn't want to eat or drink. Which leads to dehydration. Which can be very bad.

So, I slept a lot. Or tried to. My eyes weren't comfortable open or closed. When they were open they were so tired they wanted to be closed. When they were closed then my eyelids felt heavy on my eyeballs, so my eyeballs wanted my eyes open. It was a struggle. Usually sleep won out but getting there was an effort.

By Friday I started feeling more energy and Friday evening it was like a switch was flipped. I wasn't ready to go shopping (we did that Saturday - until I crashed) but I was ready to eat a small amount of ice cream. That was an indication that my appetite was returning because on chemo I absolutely do not want anything sweet. It really is a good weight loss plan! One that I would not recommend...

I would like to take this moment to send out a very warm, heartfelt "Thank You" to my wonderful co-workers. Even though I'm on medical leave (and am actually on Social Security disability for the time being) I still technically have a job since they say they want me back when I am ready. And they are so generous! Every few days some wonderful dish of food shows up. I had no idea there were such wonderful cooks in the lab! The meals are so appreciated and really help out when I just have no energy. It really takes our minds off of meal prep and has really made things so much easier for us. We do still cook on non-chemo weeks like this one but on chemo weeks having something ready to heat and eat really makes it easier for me to eat when I can and keep what little energy I have up.

One more thing about the food: a few days ago a container of mushroom risotto showed up in the cooler. I don't know who left it. I'd like to request a bucket of it next time!!! It came just as I was getting around to eating again but I bet I could eat it even when my appetite is really low. It was that good! Anyway, thank you and please share the recipe with me.

My hair: I don't really know what to expect. I have been told that there's a very high chance of it all falling out and then someone else will say it'll thin gradually but not all fall out. I know that when chemo makes your hair fall out then your scalp feels tender and yesterday it did start feeling that way. But I still don't know what that means for me regarding hair loss. I am prepared with a wig, some hats, and eyebrow stencil and eyebrow pencils. If I have to go the wig route I'm not actually bothered by that. Having ready-to-wear hair may be nice (it'll always look good) and perhaps having a fresh start to my hair color corrections would be a good thing when it comes back in.

PICC Line and Garden Update

First of all, Theo would like to extend his greetings!

OK, so last week I had my PICC line installed. PICC stands for "peripherally inserted central catheter". A catheter is inserted into a large vein deep in my arm and the 44 cm length of it is threaded up into an even bigger vein and ends just above my heart. As long as we maintain it well it should serve me well. The biggest problem with these is infection. Here's how it looks:

Generally it's kept covered up in some fashion. The company that is sending me supplies has sent me a few of these white sleeves which are very breathable. Before we got these sleeves we were using cohesive bandages. No matter what I use it isn't really that visible under the covering and to the public eye it looks like perhaps I hurt my arm and am wearing a bandage.

I started my new chemotherapy today. I am getting CPT-11 (Camptosar) and 5-FU. In a few weeks Avastin will be added. Avastin interferes with healing and it's too soon after my liver resection to start that.

On to other news, we finally got a break in the rain and tilled the fava under. First David used a lawn mower to chop up the fava. Here's what it looked like right after that:

Then he proceeded to till the garden, ensuring that the nitrogen from the fava are safely in the ground:

And he was very happy to do it!!

Here's what it looked like when he was done. Nice, dark, rich soil!

I have drawn out a rough garden plan and will need to tweak it once I go out to take measurements. In a week or two I will plant the peas, lettuce, spinach, and anything else that needs to get going early. In the meantime I am going to start some seedlings using our Aerogarden to get a head start.

Chemo Angels

A couple of weeks ago I was told of this group called "Chemo Angels" which is a non-profit organization. They send cards and little gifts to chemo patients throughout chemotherapy. All I had to do was sign up and then I was assigned to an Angel. This Angel (mine is named Sue) then will send the cards and gifts. I signed up a week or two ago and this past week I received something from her twice. The first time she sent me a box of Dots candies, some gummy bugs, and a card. Yesterday (for Valentine's Day) she sent me a cute white teddy bear with a pink sweater, some Valentine's M&Ms, some Sweet Hearts , and sent David some Valentine's candy too. She enclosed a card as well. They make it clear that we should feel no obligation to communicate with our angels and we do not need to say "thank you" but she did give me her email address and it doesn't kill me to be polite so I did thank her for these gifts. They did brighten my day!

If anyone wants to look into this organization here's the link to their website: http://www.chemoangels.net/

Chemo Update, Garden

There's really been no change here in the Coleman household. I'm still recovering but have my full energy back. However, I still am not supposed to lift anything over 5 pounds until 2 months after the surgery so I still need Dave to do a lot for me. My appetite is back to normal and I am eating well. My chemo starts February 23rd and I will have it every other week. The oncologist has decided (at our prodding) that I should have an MRI of my liver before the chemo starts. This is because neither the PET scan nor the CT scan saw the 2nd tumor that the surgeon removed. Plus, the surgeon wasn't able to see the right side of my liver since it was under my ribs. So it would be good to get another image of that area.

Scarf news: The scarf is now about 3 feet long and I will make it 5-6 feet long. I think 6 feet is best. Then I will make another one like it and combine the two, to get a double think scarf. There are 2 reasons for this: First of all, it's a bit too narrow. I didn't actually plan for it to be a scarf to begin with but as my "practice swath" grew I decided it could become useful. If I had planned correctly it would have been 30 stitches wide instead of the 20 that it is. Doubling it won't make it any wider but at least what I do have will be nice and thick. The second reason for doubling it is that it is really curling up. I think blocking it should help but another way to fix it is to line it with a woven cloth or to double it like I have proposed. So, I have decided to make 2 scarves and join them. I'll be working on this for a while!

The fava are just about ready to mow down and till under but now we have to wait for the rain to take a break. Which is concerning me a bit. Once the fava are tilled then I will have to let it rest and decompose for a few weeks before planting. So, the longer I wait to till the fava the later it will be that I plant. Some of these things (like peas) need to go in rather early so I am a bit worried about that. Here's a pic of the fava now. My, how tall it's grown!

Also, here's a pic of the planter boxes:

The Brussels sprouts are growing nicely and the kale is very slowly getting bigger. I think once spring rolls around properly and there is lots of sun and some warmth then the kale will take off in earnest. So, we will be eating lots of kale and Brussels sprouts until the rest of the garden is in and growing. Here is what I hope to plant: corn, tomatoes (3 kinds), carrots, asparagus, salad lettuce mix, California blackeye pea, an heirloom red okra, salsify (description: Heirloom, native of Europe, tasty in soups and stews, or cooked alone. Plant in spring, dig in fall, a non-sweet parsnip-like root. This variety dates back to the 1800’s.), summer squash, spinach, peas, a couple of types of sunflowers. I'll also replant some of the herbs in the herb box that died off when it got cold.

Last, but not least, is a photo of the nice tulips I have growing on the kitchen island. Yes, you read this correctly. Here's the proof:

My Accidental Scarf

A week and a half ago, my mother in law, Mary, started paving a new path for my idleness. She brought over a few starter knitting supplies and showed me how to do the basic stuff. I started practicing on a light blue yarn and decided that if I keep going it will actually become a scarf. Here's how it looks today:

The dark blue band is also from a practice session. I asked Mary how to change colors in the middle of a project, so she showed me. I decided that a dark blue band on each end would look nice so I switched it back to light blue and will make the other end the same, when I finally reach it. I was also thinking that a fringe using a combination of the light and the dark blue will set the whole thing off nicely when it's complete.

So, anyway, I just wanted it on record that it's her fault when I spend money on knitting-related items. Just so my husband knows!

Decreasing Pain, Knitting, and Food

Dave said I should post... I wonder when he will start up his own blog?

OK, here goes. As it so happens I do have some stuff to say, so I guess it's time to make a new post. The pain has decreased to a point where I don't have to be on pain meds all the time. The last two days I took a pain pill only once per day, and nothing yet today. I'll only pop one if something starts to get too sore or achy. Otherwise it's feeling better. I still have trouble sleeping on my side, though. I try to roll over on it from time to time to give my back a break and sometimes it's comfortable and sometimes my ribs ache. So, I do it when I can. I am up and about most of the day now with perhaps a midday nap. I am also trying to stand straight again which will help my back a lot. We have a follow-up appointment with the surgeon on Thursday. Maybe he'll give me clearance to drive!

The other day my mother-in-law, Mary, came over to hang out with me while Dave was at a hockey game with his dad. She brought me some beginner knit supplies and an instruction book and tried to teach me how to knit. After practising yesterday I am finally getting it but I still need to learn how to hold the needles. I do this thing where I sort of prop the left needle up in my lap to free my left hand to manage the yarn. It's actually working quite well for me. They say everyone develops his or her own techniques. OK, I guess I'm developing mine! It may be a while before I can make anything useful. I'll start out with a scarf attempt and see what happens.

The people from work have taken up bribery! They have organized to make wonderful meals to bring for Dave and me to eat. I suspect the underlying goal is to guilt me into returning to work when my treatments are over! That's a joke, but no matter the motive, Dave and I are so touched to have such great people supporting us. Probably soon I can (and will feel like) meal prep again. But having ready to eat food in the fridge has been a real treat and has taken one task out of our hands during this difficult time.

A visit to the Oncologist (the second adventure begins)

[David adding his nickels worth]

I was going to start this with “here’s the poop”, but then I got derailed about what a crappy situation this was and I it just went down hill from there. So then, I restarted with “ok, here’s the scoop…”, but then I got sidetracked because guess what I am always using a scoop to pick up (think Theo here) and I ended up going down the same stinky path. So I’m trying to restart it again….

Laurie and I saw the oncologist this morning and got the scoop on what we can expect moving forward. We don’t have the pathology on the tumors, but that will probably come when we see the surgeon next week. The oncologist wants to have the tumors tested for a specific strain. It may make it possible to do a more targeted chemotherapy regimen. The current plan though is to use the following triad of drugs:

• CPT11 – side effect is about 50% risk of hair loss
• Avastin – due to the metastisis; can effect healing, so won’t start for 2 months
• Xeloda/5FU – similar to before so we can expect the tiredness, like we had before; the two treatments are pill vs intravenous and we have to figure which we want to deal with.

The oncologist is looking at 3-4 months of treatment. We’ll assess as we go along, but apparently research shows that the extra 3 months doesn’t really help that much and the key thing is monitoring. Laurie will get scans every 3 months for the next year or two, then go to 6 months and eventually yearly. They may also begin doing MRIs in addition to the other scans to ensure that we see any undesirable developments. For some reason one of the excised tumors didn’t show on CT or PET scans, so MRIs are going to be needed.

The other thing to decide on is if we want to go with a “pick line” or mediport. The mediport means doing the surgery for that again and we’re not a big fan of the bumpy chest syndrome. The pick line means having a line in Laurie’s arm and some form of bandage around it.

We asked if our April vacation is still feasible. The answer is YES. Now we really need to see how Laurie is feeling, but since she won’t be on Oxaliplatin she won’t have the neuropathy issues. We should be able to manage the other side effects and that may mean wigs if she loses her hair. We’ll have to see how she feels in general though.

So, that’s about it for now….

Bizzaro-World

There's not really anything new to report. The new pain meds are helping a lot and I am more comfortable. I also sleep a lot. And the pain meds seem to have a strange side effect: I'll call it "auditory hallucinations" though I may be using the term in the wrong way. What I mean is when I am sleeping (or rather on the edge of sleep) I hear things that are so real, like I am sure that David has walked into the bedroom to check on me, or something like that, but when I open my eyes he's not there. The first night it was more bizarre: I kind if doubled the dose. Meaning I took one pill on time and then took another one an hour or so later when I headed to bed. That night I was hearing things when my eyes were closed. I don't remember all of what I heard, but one thing was a radio. When I opened my eyes the radio stopped but as soon as they were closed again the radio started again. The effects were gone by morning. And me hearing Dave by my bedside was during this afternoon's nap. I'll see what happens tonight. I suppose this is harmless. I will probably mention it to the oncologist tomorrow during our appointment if it happens again tonight.

Speaking of the oncologist: we have an appointment in the morning. I'll let you know what she has to say.