Poor Cassie :-(

Well, it was time. Cassie had to go in to the vet to get spayed. I know that some people think a dog needs to go through one heat but for her future we decided it was best not to allow that. For one thing, she isn't allowed to go to daycare after 6 months of age unless she is spayed. And she could have her first heat from 6-8 months old. We feel the socialization she gets from being around other dogs at daycare is very important and we don't want to deny her that socialization for 1-2 months just to have a heat cycle. Plus we don't want to deal with her having a cycle in the house or for Theo (who is altered but can still respond to hormones) to get weird. So, we took advantage of this Thanksgiving break in her training classes, and of the extended time that Dave's at home for the holiday, to go ahead and get her fixed.

She is a little confused, a little wimpery. I don't blame her. Yesterday she woke up, happy as ever, bouncing around, playing, wanting breakfast (which she could not have) and then we took her to the vet. The doctor said that when he was doing an exam on her she was giving him kisses. Then she was sedated and spayed and later Dave and I picked her up. I wonder what's been going through her head. She woke up, different somehow, and now she has to wear a cone on her head. She's not allowed to run, play, or jump for 7-10 days and so she goes outside on a leash. Gone are the free romps in the back yard. For all she knows, it's forever. But it's only for a few days. In a week or two she will be back to her old self, with free roam of the house and back yard and she and Theo can play again. I know that Dave and I can't wait for that to happen.

Here's a picture of her from today:

Did I Tell You I Had Foot Surgery?

It's not sexy... and it is painful. The bunion. Due to unlucky developmental abnormalities, my feet have always hurt when I wear anything other than tennis shoes. Well, I could wear flip-flops too, but those only get a person so far! Finally a couple of months ago my right foot was hurting after wearing flip-flops all day, prepping for some dinner party or another. So, I scheduled a visit with a foot doctor. He took some x-rays of my feet and declared them to have moderate bunions (coupled with some arthritis) which he could correct with surgery. I've heard of people regretting having had the surgery, and I've heard of people wishing they had done it sooner. I hope I'm one of those people.

So, two weeks ago my right foot was operated on and I have to say, I'm amazed at the "after" x-ray. The foot is still tender and swollen and I have to wear the big black surgical shoe for another week and a half, and then tennis shows only after that for 3 weeks or so. I will go easy on my foot, but when it's ready I can't wait to put on a nice pair of dress shoes and see how it feels!

So far the recovery isn't bad. Not much pain, unless I'm up on my feet too much. I've been keeping it elevated and iced a lot, watching TV, reading, knitting.

In about 3 months I'll do the other foot and go through this whole thing again.

Modern Courtesy

I'd like to bring attention to the decline of modern courtesy, specifically as it relates to invitations. I was taught that if someone invites you to something then you should respond with an acceptance or a declination. Ignoring the invitation is not an option. If I have decided that I'd like to spend time with someone and don't get any response at all, I don't take it as a "no". Instead, I feel snubbed. And after a couple of these I'll stop asking.

If I ask you if you'd like to do something or if you are available, it's OK to not be available. But I would appreciate it if you'd let me know so that I can either ask someone else or make other adjustments without the fear of a last-minute change. It's not polite to put people on hold in case some better offer comes along.

I find this is a very Californian thing, I think. At least I never experienced this in Texas. Does this happen everywhere else?

My Babies

I am so happy with my babies! Theo is a 4 year old very good-natured male Akita. Cassie is our new 4 1/2 month old female puppy Akita. Theo is a wonderful adult, very patient and playful with the very energetic Cassie. Cassie is by far the happiest puppy I've every seen. She smiles all the time and is absolutely joyful. She's not fussy - if she's confined she settles down and does not complain. If she's chewing on something she's not supposed to chew on she will accept a substitute if given one. The two dogs are so wonderful to have around, and it's wonderful that they have each other. I had no idea there was so much playfulness left in Theo but Cassie really brings out the puppy in him.

Right now they are tumbling around, chewing on each other. Both are so happy.

MRI Results Are In

I had an MRI scan last week and got the results today. Here are some snippets from the report:

Findings: Again are noted post-operative changes consistent with left hepatic lobe resection. No new liver lesions are identified. On post-contrast sequences, there is no abnormal enhancing liver lesion. No evidence for restricted diffusion on the DWI sequences. The main and right portal veins demonstrate normal enhancement without evidence for thrombus.

Other visceral organs including the spleen, kidneys, pancreas, and adrenal glands are within normal limits. No ascites is identified. No evidence for retroperitoneal mass or lymphadenopathy.

Impression: No evidence for residual or recurrent mass.

MY Impressions: I like the recurrent use of "no...", "normal...", "no abnormal...".
:-)

My Decision to Leave the Workforce

Well, I did it. I thought about it and thought about it, tried to make myself look forward to returning to work, but couldn't. The lab where I was working is full of wonderful, caring people who looked forward to my return and to my contributions. Wow, that made the decision even harder. In a way, they are my friends and I don't like to let friends down. But, I do have a habit of making decisions based on what's better for those around me, and then I figure out how to be happy with that decision. Well, this time I put myself first and decided not to return until I feel I can be dedicated to it. It's only fair, to me and to them. I will continue to earn my CEUs and keep my license up-to-date so that when I'm ready to return I will be prepared.

I am so lucky to have a wonderful husband who supports this decision. He knows it is likely not permanent, though there are no guarantees. In life, there are no guarantees. Except for death. And I think that's why he is allowing me this selfish time. Because I was unknowingly walking along death's path before I realized it. Now he is allowing me to walk along life's path and to spend my time being a bit selfish.

I plan to include him in my selfishness, though. Hopefully I'll be doing things that make him happy too.

Fall Garden is Planted

Well, I finally got some veggies in for the Fall! I planted seedlings this time around to give them a bit of a head start. Here's what's in the ground now:

• 6 Brussels Sprouts
• 2 kinds of lettuce
• 1 cabbage plant
• Spinach
• Sugar snap peas

Still in the ground from before:

• Tomatoes (these will probably be done soon)
• 2 Jalapeno pepper plants
• 1 Fresno pepper plant
• 1 Leek
• 5 Asparagus crowns
• The herb box (containing parsley, tarragon, rosemary, thyme, oregano, and sage)

I still have to plant the garlic. I have 3 varieties to go in the ground and will try to get this done later this week.

My New Garden Pet

I found a pet in the backyard today:

These guys are friendly and are bug-eating machines. I'm happy to see him there. I hope the dogs don't get him.

Race Relations

The other day I was driving and saw a sign at a school that read something like "Latino Night Dinner tonight". And I was thinking that if we are supposed to be color blind, then why are we making that kind of distinction? Can you imagine the uproar if the sign read: "White Caucasian Dinner tonight"?

Just food for thought...

Colonoscopy

Today I had my second colonoscopy, the first one since my initial one February 13, 2008 when the tumor was found. Everything looks normal, he found no new tumors, polyps, nothing. This is great news. Usually when tumors return they usually do so in the first year, and almost always within the first 2 years. In February it will be 2 years from my initial diagnosis and surgery so if nothing shows back up by that time then I'm looking pretty good. I don't know if the tumors showing up in my liver reset that clock, but I don't think so. I think perhaps each organ gets its own clock, so to speak. My liver still has a little more than a year to go.

The true milestone will be 5 years. If no cancer appears for 5 years then I'll be considered cured. I guess until then I'm officially in remission.

I am scheduled for another MRI October 28th.

My Busy Last Few Weeks

Wow, I'm sorry that I've been away for so long! It's been very, very busy around here. Cassie has been a source of joy but she does take time to raise properly. We are taking her to 2 (yes, 2) Puppy I classes each week. And because she and Theo play together so much, they both have to be bathed quite frequently. Well, not Theo so much but puppies really know how to get dirty fast.

Also, at the end of last month, Dave and I went to Boston for 4 nights. It was a trip taken to combine visiting with some old friends of mine along with visiting Boston. Dave had never been there and while I have, it was really nice to take some time and explore the city. We were accompanied by Joanne, Tim, and Brian for much of the trip.

Another thing that's been taking my time is the garden, of course. We have some spots prepped for planting Brussels sprouts, cabbage, spinach, kale, peas, and garlic. I need to get these in the ground by this weekend, preferably.

The one thing that might interfere with that is this NASTY cold that I caught a couple of days ago. It's kicking my butt, but I'll hang in there. It'll be over when it's over.

That said, I'm going to go rest up some. I should be harvesting basil for pesto. Perhaps I'll feel like doing that later. For now I'm going to chill out for a while. Get it? Chill out? I have a cold!

Cassie

In yesterday's post I was so excited to write about our new little girl that I forgot to mention her name. It's Cassiopeia, and we call her "Cassie" for short. In Greek mythology, Cassiopeia was a vain queen who boasted about her unrivaled beauty. We feel that our little Cassie is so gorgeous that if she could speak she would be bragging about it too. But she doesn't brag and she's so loving and sweet. To see her (and get puppy kisses from her) is to love her.

She and Theo are getting along great. The first couple of days Theo wanted to make sure that she knew he was the boss. He was ignoring her (while keeping an eye on her) and wouldn't let her near the toys. And one time she tried to take a treat ball from him and he gave a very strong correction that ended by him doing an "Alpha Rollover" on her, where he rolled her over and held her down with his foot. She got the message, and after that he was satisfied that she knew that he was the boss. If she breaks any more of his rules he will let her know. Now they are playing and offers her toys. They do enjoy each other's company. Sometimes you can see that he is tired of her trying to play all the time so we let him go have some alone time for a while. And Cassie is so easy going that she will play by herself or settle down for a nap.

The first couple of nights we tried to bring her up to our bedroom to sleep in a crate, but she was so restless and fussy. I was thinking she was probably too hot so I took her downstairs to sleep in her pen in the kitchen where it was cooler. She settled right down and slept the rest of the night. She's been sleeping there ever since and goes right into her pen with no fuss. She is so happy to see one of us the next morning and is ready for full-on play and kissing action. But, she has to go pee first!

She's so sweet and smart. I can't wait to see how she is as an adult. Theo is sweet too and has a wonderful temperament, but he is not affectionate. Even as a puppy he didn't want to be held and cuddled. Cassie seems to enjoy this a lot. If I hold her in my arms she quits squirming and rests there, enjoying being close to me. Then she will look up at me and kiss my chin. And I smile really big!

Our New Little Girl

Well, it's been a month since my last chemo treatment. And what a busy month it's been! We've had people here doing work on the house, various things like making the A/C work better, installing cabinetry in the office, installing attic fans, and various other small projects. Finally there aren't people here disturbing my serenity. Oh, except what serenity? We got a puppy a little over a week ago! She's super cute and sweet. Here's a picture of her:

I told you she was cute!!!

So, that's what I've been up to lately. I've been playing with a puppy! I will admit that after we got her we had an "oh, shiesta" moment where we wondered if we were nuts. I mean, after a year and a half of chemo, just when I could relax and have time to myself, we get a puppy. What were we thinking? Anyway, she's here to stay and will be a lovely adult Akita when she's older.

I haven't done much in the garden lately. I need to go out there and clear the spent plants and prepare the ground for a small fall garden. Maybe next week?

So, I had a PET scan last week and went for the results today. It is clear. So, between the MRI and the PET scan it looks like I can relax for a couple of months. I will have another MRI at the end of October.

Time to go get some more puppy kisses...

Our Pondless Waterfall

A couple of weeks ago we decided to hire a professional pondless waterfall company to come and rebuild our original waterfall. We were just never delighted with the waterfall built by our landscaper. I exhausted myself by planting all of the plants around it but think it turned out nice.

Here's a photo of how it looked before:

These photos show how it looks today:

MRI Result

Last week I had an MRI of the abdomen and got the result today. So far, so good! Here are the findings: "Artifacts along the anterior left hepatic lobe may represent surgical clips. The liver is otherwise homogeneous. The gallbladder is not identified suggesting contraction or resection. [Note: My gallbladder was removed last January during my liver resection.] The pancreas, spleen, adrenal glands and kidneys are normal. No osseous metastasis or lymphadenopathy detected."

Conclusion: Status partial left hepatic lobe resection. No metastasis.

What this means is: There is no detectable cancer in my body at this time!!

Next week I have a PET scan. That will be better at detecting lymphatic involvement and will look for suspicious increased localized metabolic activity which could indicate tumor growth. I'll get that result next Friday, September 11th. Check here for updates.

My Crazy Week

My goodness, now I have a bit of time to sit still and breathe. So… here’s what I’ve been doing.

Last week was my final chemotherapy treatment. I was fatigued as usual until the weekend. Last week we also had people here rebuilding our pondless waterfall in the back yard. We just were never happy with the first one and should have hired the right people in the first place. The new water feature has lots of planting areas on it so last Friday I went to Summer Winds Nursery and purchased a lot of plants to go around it.

So, the plants were planted on Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday. In conjunction with that (unrelated, however) Theo got sick on Sunday. From Sunday through Wednesday midnight, we took him to the vet 5 times in 4 days. Here’s a summary of all that:

• Last Sunday he was having bloody diarrhea, so we took him to his regular vet at Adobe. She determined he had “colitis” and sent him home with an antibiotic.
• On Monday he started vomiting and not eating, so we returned with him to Adobe in the evening, around dinnertime. While he was there he started to seem to feel better so we brought him home without any additional treatment.
• On Tuesday he seemed very uncomfortable all day, very restless. When we went to bed he would come sit by our bed, he wouldn’t lie down and go to sleep. He was very restless. Also, his lower abdomen felt firmer than usual so we got out of bed and took him to the emergency vet on Dell Ave to check for early bloat. The vet there took an x-ray and that showed some strange gravelly substance in his stomach plus lots of gas in his intestines. He gave him an injection of a Pepcid AC-like stuff and an injection of a pain medicine. Bad move. When he got home he was even more unsettled, was running from his bed to my side of the bed, over to Dave’s side, back to his bed, to his other bed, looking at us funny, looking for phantom ants on the floor, and started scratching himself like crazy. I called the vet and they said he may be “loopy” because of the narcotic pain medicine. He eventually settled down but kept scratching all night.
• On Wednesday morning we got up and found fur all over the place, upstairs and downstairs, plus he still seemed very uncomfortable. So, Dave took him back up to Adobe. They re-took x-rays. The gas was better but still there. The stuff in his stomach was still there. The vet told Dave that when dogs get uncomfortable pressure in their stomach and intestines they scratch their bellies. He gave him 2 liters of fluids and sent him home. All day Wednesday, though, he was very unsettled, was whimpering and whining, kept scratching himself non-stop. From time to time he would settle down (was probably too exhausted) but when we went to bed he was much worse. So, back up to Adobe at midnight on Wednesday. This vet actually looked at his skin and found it red and blotchy. (We kept assuming his discomfort was his stomach, but it was his skin.) It looks like he was having a severe allergic reaction to one of the injections, probably the narcotic. His breeder said narcotics give HER hives and hallucinations, and it sounds like this was what Theo was going through. Anyway, we told the vet that Theo was just up there that morning and the vet didn’t evaluate the itchiness at all, and if he had we would have been saved the midnight trip, plus Theo wouldn’t have had to suffer all day. She didn’t charge for the office visit Wednesday night, which was the right thing to do. She gave him a steroid injection and sent him home with Tamaril-P (antihistamine + steroid) to treat the allergic reaction for the next few days. When we got home he was no longer scratching and we all actually got some sleep.

So, this all started with a GI issue that was compounded with an allergic reaction. I felt so bad for him. Luckily he’s feeling better now but is exhausted. So am I! He needs to rest a few days.

We don’t know what started the GI thing, or what’s in his stomach. The bloody diarrhea could also have been caused by stress, perhaps, since contractors have been here the last 3 weeks working on the office and various other things. On top of it all he went on a group dog walk last Wednesday and could have picked up a bug from another dog. We will never know but the important thing is: he’s getting better. We hope it stays that way but we will be keeping a close eye on him for a few days.

Two days ago (Wednesday) I went to get an MRI. I will get the report on Monday when I go to see my oncologist. I’ll let you know how that goes. Plus, I have a PET scan in a couple of weeks.

Today I am finally going to pay some attention to the house. Maybe I can get the laundry done, sort through the various piles of papers hanging around the house, trim Theo’s toenails, etc. Luckily this weekend will be quiet so maybe I can get caught up on things. And if I don’t? Well, for the first time in a long time, there’s always next week!

I'm Still Here!

I know I need to post again - I think about this daily but have been WAY busy. I'll do it next week. Promise! You know why? Because I can! I don't have chemo next week!!!

Hanging In There - 1 More To Go

I am on the upswing of my 11th chemo round and have only 1 more to go. The oncologist increased the amount of 5-FU these past 2 times which has caused me to throw up, but only on day 1 (Monday). The rest of the week I've just been sleeping a lot. My energy is slowly returning. Luckily my appetite has come back mostly, enough to eat a 1/2 cheeseburger yesterday!

So, last week I went back to my hometown (Wichita Falls, Texas) for my 20-year high school reunion! David and I flew out on Thursday and while we were in the DFW area we met up with my sister Krystal, her mom Fredia (Krystal's really my 1/2 sister but she feels like a full sister to me!) and Krystal's little girl, my niece, Abbye. We had a wonderful Tex-Mex meal and sat around and chatted for a while. I was really impressed with Abbye's patience with all the grown-up talk.

After the dinner with Krystal, David and I drove on up to Wichita Falls and checked into our hotel. It was late so we just went to bed.

The following morning we went over to my mom's to say hello and to grab some towels and a couple of chairs. From there we made a stop at Wal-Mart (woo-hoo!) and then made it to the first social event of the weekend: Risa's party. Risa made it all the way to Texas from Tokyo for the reunion, and her mom offered to host a pre-reunion party for a few friends. Her mom made wonderful food for us and we all lounged around the pool and had a great time.

From there David and I went to the hotel to rest up and change for the first "official" reunion activity: A "Howdy BBQ by the Wichita River". The entertainment was good, the food was great, and I really enjoyed hanging out with old friends. Unfortunately my energy ran out and we left fairly early.

Saturday morning we all met at the "Old High" for a group photo and a chance to walk around the halls. (I still need to order the group photo!!) Then David and I met my mom and my high school best friend Lidia at Stanley's. At Stanley's I was totally in love with my Beanie Burger. That's a Wichita Falls (Stanley's only) local culinary delight that's a combination of hamburger and Frito chili pie. Let me build it for you here: Put the bottom bun on a plate. Spread it with refried beans. Add the meat patty. The the craziness starts: Pile on chopped onions (which I leave off), jalapeno peppers (which I leave on!), Fritos, chili, and cheese whiz. I'm not making this up - I even called them a few minutes ago and asked them. This is yummy! yummy! yummy!!! It has to be eaten with a fork. And the perfect accompaniment: fried okra. I was truly in love.

OK, after my Beanie Burger love fest it was time to go relax for a while. Saturday evening brought another reunion activity: A light dinner and music event in a meeting hall. The music was actually a bit loud in my opinion since it made it hard talk to and hear anyone. So there wasn't much catching up to do there.

Sunday morning David and I met with a very dear friend and mentor, Charles, and his wife Jonell. It was a very nice breakfast catching up with a forever friend. After that we moseyed back to the hotel to pack, then to Schlotzsky's for sandwiches (another favorite of mine!) to take to the lake to visit with the aunts and uncles. From there it was back to DFW to fly back home Sunday evening.

It was an action-packed 4 days and I am so glad I went back to catch up with so many people!

Leaving Home at 17

This story, 21 years old now, is one that wants to be told. It’s the story of leaving home after midnight, 5 days after my 17th birthday. Why then? Because in Texas a teenager can leave home at the age of 17 without being considered a runaway. Even then I made decisions based on what makes the resulting outcome the least complicated.

Here’s the story:

First of all, why did I leave home? Let’s just keep it simple for now: My childhood was very unfortunate. I was tired of living in daily fear of my stepmother and had to improve the situation that I had been living in for 6 years. I was just barely 17 and a junior in high school. A couple of months before, my father and stepmother moved us into another house. The significance of this is that the new home was in “Rider High School” district while my mother (into whose home I was moving) lived in “Wichita Falls High School” (or more commonly known as “Old High”) district. The counselor at Old High, Mr. Miller, was aware of my home situation and for the time that I was there did what he could to help. This mostly was to listen. Anyway, when I transferred to Rider High School I got to know my counselor there as well and she also came to know of my situation. It was actually a combined conversation between her and Mr. Miller at Old High that hatched our plan, which was for me to sneak away the weekend after I turned 17 and return to Old High the next Monday morning. Explaining this has nothing to do with the high schools, really, but to illuminate how 2 counselors at 2 high schools worked together to help me out of a very bad situation. Reading back on this I think it may be interpreted that I left home to return to the previous high school. That was just coincidental – I would have left home no matter what. But escaping to my mother’s house meant returning to the high school that actually happened to be in walking distance from her home. The two counselors worked together to transfer my enrollment. Also, they gave me moral support and the courage to implement the plan.

As it was, I had to wait until I was 17 to do this, and I didn’t want to delay any more than I had to. I spent Saturday sneaking into my bedroom and bit by bit I packed my clothing, shoes, and personal items into trash bags. I put the trash bags back into the drawers and into the closet, hidden behind other things. I didn’t have much but I took everything I could, including my pillow. I went to bed that night knowing that I would need to stay awake until after midnight when everyone was sure to be asleep. My father and stepmother were in their bedroom with the door closed. My brother and the two older stepbrothers were in the bedroom next to mine. My youngest stepbrother shared my bedroom. I got up very quietly, turned on the central heater fan to help cover sounds, went into the living room and called a taxi. My mother wanted to make sure she couldn’t be accused of kidnapping so the plan was for me to use a cab and arrive on my own. After I called the cab, I very quickly and quietly pulled out my trash bags of clothing, opened the window above my bed (the front door made a noise when it opened), removed the screen, and tossed everything outside. I then climbed out the window, closed it, and waited by the curb for the taxi with all my trash bags. I didn’t have to wait long. When the driver arrived he helped me load the bags into the car and the only comment he made was, “Strange time to be moving.” I agreed that it was and that’s all that was said. We arrived at my mother’s place and she came down and paid for the cab ride. I have to imagine that it set his mind at ease to see that I was being delivered to an adult. I actually don’t remember but I may have told him I was moving in with my mother.

I wonder if the two counselors were wondering if I’d have the courage to actually do this. They set it up to have me transferred to the other school... but it was up to me to pack up and leave. A number of things could have gone wrong, including me losing my nerve or getting caught. All they could do was wait to see where I showed up for school on Monday. How did they know for sure I'd show up at which school on Monday? Anything could have happened to foil the plan. I guess some things were handled by them and administrators and it was just up to me to do my part.

Of course, there are many more stories and maybe I’ll share some of them. They will decide when it’s time for them to be told as this one did.

Mouth Pain

I am prone to canker sores from time to time and I just deal with them and let them heal when they will - usually in about a week. Well, I developed what I thought was a canker sore behind the backmost molar on the right side, on the inside (tongue side) about 4 weeks ago. I thought it was starting to heal and then I had chemo on July 6th, which set it back. It got painful again but seemed to start to heal again before my last chemo session on July 20th. This week it got so painful that it was even hard to drink water because when you drink, the tongue actually puts pressure on the jaw at that very spot. So, though I had an appointment to see the dentist on Monday, I decided to make an "emergency call" and go see him today. I did feel silly taking his time on a Saturday to deal with what I thought was a canker sore (there's not much they can do about those) but I wanted to make sure there wasn't an infection developing.

I'm glad I went today to see him instead of waiting another couple of days.

At first he thought it was a canker sore too because it was white like a canker sore. Then he touched it with his little metal tool. Then he pressed and tapped on it. Then he announced that it was a little bone fragment sticking partly out, causing all that pain, like a splinter.

Why did I have a bone fragment sticking out of my gum line? It's a mystery. I suppose it could be a remnant from when my wisdom teeth were taken out when I was in high school. It would be unusual for a fragment to sit still for 20 years, though. He said usually they become a problem within a year or two. I am returning to the office on Monday so he can take X-rays to see what else is going on in there. According to him this is highly unusual and it would be good to see if there are any more fragments floating around.

Bummer I didn't think to get a photo of it before I left.